What I did was refocus their copy points toward delivery of the main benefit they provide, which is getting the client into his or her dream home quickly with a minimum of hassle.

It would have been even better if they could have quantified "We have several loan options available..." with a specific number of options, e.g.: "We have 17 loan options available..."

The more quantifiable you are, the more believable you will be.

I was the one who came up with the idea of the "No Surprise Closing" articulation of their "Only-One Advantage."

What I did was reposition the entire page with client-focused, benefit-oriented information.

Note the addition of a meaningful headline; the new bullet point format of the three main benefits; the inclusion of a testimonial, as well as an offer of a free report to capture contact information.

What I did was reposition the entire offer with more customer-focused, benefit-oriented information.

Note the addition of a more meaningful headline; the new checkbox format of the "pain" points; the spreading out and highlighting of the testimonials, as well expanding on the workshop segments and adding dollar values to the bonuses. Finally, I beefed up the guarantee and provided multiple buying links.

What I did was rewrite the offer boxes with more customer-focused, benefit-oriented information.

Note the addition of meaningful headlines designed to draw in the reader's attention; the addition of "click here" links to get the reader to investigate the information pages; and the addition of a much stronger call to action.